By Nicole

We are in the book of Daniel in Sunday School this week, and even after reading twice, taking notes, and preparing by reading the historical context and commentary, I was still caught off guard by another realization, right in the middle of class. This isn't an epiphany for me, but it hit different (as my son would say) today.  There is so much going on around us that we can't see or sense. Long ago, I completed a Bible study by Jennifer Kennedy Dean about prayer life . One illustration I remember so well was her explanation of the spectrum of things we can't comprehend. Light, for example. Of all the types of light, humans can only detect a fraction. Same with sound. Our bodies are incredible things, but humans truly are limited in what they can detect with the five senses. Things we can't sense that animals can, for example, still aren't even part of the spiritual realm. At least, we think so. My dog hasn't ever stopped and been like, "woof - angel at 2 o...

There's something percolating in my heart. A dark, thick brew taking it's time to drip through all the filters. There's fermentation happening. I can feel the bubbles starting as the yeast in my brain starts working its way through aha moments, the epiphanies as delicious as sugar syrup.  It's been too many years since I wrote anything, outside of typing up Bible study notes or prep for a class. Recent events keep pulling me back, making me yearn to get it down, tap it out, share it with someone. I'm a bottler by nature, and I'm sure I've blogged about those moments before. You know. The ones where I'd held it all in and then it came spewing out. All over the kitchen and the living room, catching my husband off-guard and leaving me sobbing and spent, sheepishly explaining that it had nothing to do with the overflowing sock basket or the unrinsed coffee cups. This isn't the kind of stuff that should be bottled or hidden in the back of the closet with ...

For as long as I have been blogging, I've held onto the secret desire to make something of myself by writing.  Live the dream, right?   One perfect post, and I'd be rolling in publishing offers and signing parties.   Well, not that extreme.  But, you know, quit my day job.  Have a substantial social media presence. Be the woman other women want to be.  Hold my own with Beth Moore and Jen Hatmaker and Sarah Bessey and Jennie Allen.  Move to Texas or Canada and just be another IT Christian momma like the women I secretly ADORE.  And... then there is real life, and writer's block, and horrible tragic things that threaten to suck the very soul from the core of my being.   2016 is not a year I want to relive.   So many good things, but so many bad, dark days at the end.   The one thing I know for sure about being a Christian is that God never promised an easy road.  Jesus made it pretty darn clear we would hav...

I'm sitting here tonight knee deep in procrastination... or neck deep.. I'll know for sure tomorrow morning when I see my mess for what is truly is.  I'm supposed to be planning for a health and wellness bit this Saturday at a women's conference, but my mind won't sit still and focus.  Too many other thoughts rolling around in my head, and I don't want to get stuck on a women's lib rant on Saturday when I should be talking about self-care and healthy things.  (I'm also awake at midnight on my second spoonful of Nutella, which leads me to believe I am utterly unqualified to talk to anyone about health or wellness.) This past week, prepping for our Personal Appearance discussion in my girls' group and having subsequent conversations afterward, I've spent a lot of time mulling over how God really feels about women and our appearance.  How does what Jesus said fit in with the message the church so often sends girls and women?  Do the women of the B...

Last week, I was blessed with extra time one afternoon to over prepare for my Wednesday night girls group.  Because the curriculum is slightly outdated and somewhat LAME, I generally choose to redo it. I am tragically inconsistent, but every once in a while God steps in and helps me out.   We have been talking about college and career.  True to my expectations of these lessons, everything was a little too... ugh... for me.   Now, I'm an M.Ed in Guidance and Counseling, pro-college, pro-life planning, pro-education type of girl.  But I also am acutely aware of how often we package our expectations and try to align Christian values and a certain level of professional success.  Achingly upper-middle class.   I'm also a social worker, culture of poverty, social justice soapbox kind of girl... and I was kind of struggling to rectify it all.   Throughout this unit, I kept feeling like God wanted us to talk about more.... dig deeper.  G...

Today was a day that will live in infamy in our home.  The day the cow escaped and we spent hours and miles looking and chasing and worrying.  The day we fell a tree into the goat fence.  The day nothing went the way we planned.  The day we wanted to throw our hands up and cuss and yell and stomp in the mud and throw tree branches and pout. Instead we were humbled and reminded of God, who works all things together for the good of those who love Him.  We still don't know when those things will start working together for good, but I guess that isn't the point. The cow is still out.  First day in the barn, and he didn't like it, so he leapt over the fence and took off.  We saw him twice and couldn't get him to go the way we wanted.  Three hours later, we tucked our tails, set out hay and drove away. Those three hours were supposed to have been spent building a second place for our two smallest pigs, moving Connor's chickens to a better spot, cl...

This post was fresh in my mind over the holiday.  Itching to break free and find life in the interwebs... but, alas, I've been sidetracked by pork dumplings, meatballs, and tree demolition.  And my current guiltiest pleasure... Blacklist. I'm going to digress here and there as I attempt to reawaken the phrases that kept running through my mind.  Since the poetry escapes me.. I'm going to say it out right. This was THE most relaxed, non-stressful Christmas I've EVER had.   EVER. Since my children and the pressures of grown-up life anyway... And that, my friends, is a BIG deal.  BIG.  Even the hubs agreed and said so to others... which means truth.  We had a 4-H party at the house the week before.  Family over for dinner on Christmas.  My modest home had 25 humans in it at one point on Christmas day, and we all fit.  And talked and laughed.  And I didn't start breathing funny or have to wave my hands around my fac...

This is a topic where my insides scream and sob and my fingers can't begin to type what my heart is crying.  I just sit here with tears rolling down my cheeks, and I don't even know where to begin.  So forgive me, because it's messy and raw, and I can't seem to make it all line up like it should. This is a topic where everyone draws a line and chooses sides and wants it all to be black or white.   This is a topic that has gotten so legalistic and Pharisaical in my Pentecostal Evangelical world that I just want to scream. We are missing the point.   We are alienating and labeling so many women.  So many doctors.  So many people. So. Many. And here I am. Struggling and sick to my stomach about how to deliver a Pro-Life vs. Pro-Choice message to my group of teenage girls.  Dreading the topic because I can't wrap my heart around delivering a message clothed in legalism and judgement.   First, I'm going to back up for a minut...

I haven't been in a very good place lately... since my rant of January, I've struggled to find some forward momentum.  Work has sucked more than ever.  I'm overwhelmed with life and struggling to comprehend the tragedies hitting those who are so dear to me.  I'm questioning too much, and spending a lot of time fighting back tears I should probably just let fall. My fingers are itching to type, and my crazy roller coaster of a mind has surely had some great tracks to record in the last few months... but I just couldn't get the two together.  At least not until today. I'm feeling a little nostalgic, so bear with me. When I originally started blogging, I wanted to be funny... funny homemaker mommy blogger who made jokes about silly things and kids and life.  Then I started following lots of amazing women on social media and started feeling the pressure to find a focus... develop a brand.  A blog about something.  One thing.  The thing.  ...

This year, I won't be resolving anything.  I've signed up for a CHALLENGE!!! Woohoo! This is a short and sweet version of my previous post... it was funny, engaging, and full of witty sarcasm.  And then the Internet ate it.  Gone. All gone. I was too shocked to cry. In short, (because I'm mad and it's already way too late) 2015 is the year of the 52 Weeks to An Organized Home Challenge .  And since I started the last week of December, this isn't related to a resolution.  I almost didn't want to commit, but it was set up in Nicole-sized bites.  So I bit. My Family Calendar is hanging in true geek fashion on my fridge.  I've got birthday, meals, runs, challenge tasks, paydays and bill days marked in all their sticker glory.  This is probably year five of a family calendar... and I look forward to it every year.  Always there...not always kept up (like other things in my life), but always loved. My next task is the kitchen counters...

What an entirely cynical title. I've spent the past few months quietly fuming and praying about crummy decisions a family member is making.  Hoping the switch will flip and her brain will turn back on to smart mode.  But it hasn't happened.  As her behavior worsens, my fuming has become more vocal.  In the past few days, I have started to rant to anyone who will listen.  Not a good sign on my end. Today I found out she crossed the line.  The line that makes us set our own boundaries and build up our walls. I shouldn't have to feel like I need to protect my kids from their aunt.  We shouldn't have to worry about what will come up missing from our garage or when (not if) our home will be broken into. Steal it, sell it, get your fix. Break into your own grandmother's house while she is sick in the hospital. I'm furious.  I'm hurt. I'm not alone. Raise your hand if you have a family member like this.  If you are raising your grand...

My fitness, like my blogging, has been sorely neglected lately. In true perfect timing form, Fit Approach and Lorna Jane started an Active Living Challenge!  August is seriously our craziest month of the year, with 4-H obligations at the county fair, a birthday, football practices beginning, and the prep for back to school and church activities starting up in September.  Not to mention gardening and harvesting and canning.  But I am gonna keep on keeping on and this challenge has been a great way for me to think about fitness and healthy food every day! Day one got me planking again. Day two was a great dinner - all home grown and harvested.  I followed the instructions in one of the Costco cookbooks for pan frying the steelhead.  The green beasn were sauteed in garlic and olive oil.  I splashed in fish sauce and soy sauce somewhere during the saute process.  They were amazing. Day three we went on a family run.  I love family runs. ...

The only reason I know the last time I blogged was because my posts are dated.  If I was an awesome blogger with a ton of followers, everyone would have thought I had met a tragic end and been worried. Thankfully, it appears no one is worried, and my sudden split from social media didn't seem to impact anyone at all.  Looking back, I know I have this pattern.  Every year it seems I take an unplanned vacation from all things bloggy.  This year, that break happened to include Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and whatever other media I have as well. My break has been a good one, and I don't think I'm fully back yet.  I just needed to remember what it felt like to sit up late at night in front of a glowing computer screen, hearing nothing but the tick tick of the keys and the humming of the fish tank pump. I'm on a ledge. Life with my kids and husband has been number one.  Work sucks a lot, and it takes all my energy to get through that and still be on the ...

Week Three: Believe 2/17: Spoil Yourself! - Do something just for you  today! Take a walk, go to yoga, spoil yourself! I loved that Monday was President's Day, and we didn't have to work.  I spoiled myself by sleeping in.  My hubby had to work (poor him), and the kids wanted to stay with Grandma.  I hardly knew what to do with myself the night before... but boy did I enjoy those extra hours of sleep! Aside from taking solo shopping days or getting long run hours all to myself, sleep is my favorite activity. 2/18: 5 Mindful Minutes - Do good to your body,  meditate for 5 minutes and find your zen. Without a doubt, I know I need more mindful minutes.  And I know that my mindful minutes should be spent reading my Bible or praying.  Yet, so many times I spend doing busy work around the house or zoning out on the computer or watching some mindless episode on Netflix.  Not good uses of my time.  This was a good reminder day for me. ...

Today is a day I was able to sleep in until 9:30!  That, folks, is a miracle. And it only happened because the kids are with grandma and Jason had to leave for work at the horrific hour of 5 a.m. This morning, I cleaned my bathroom counter (a rare occurrence).  I made delicious stove top coffee. I hung out with my ducks and chickens and goats for a bit.  I washed the mud and gunk off our running shoes from yesterday's trail run .  I started a few loaves of bread, made quinoa for quinoa cakes , did some laundry, put away some stuff, and found some new Facebook pages to like.  The SITS Girls have a great group, and I am happy to be a part of their network. Now I'm getting ready to steal my kids back because I miss them. Today I want to bake and go on an adventure and clean out the duck pen.  All exciting things. We'll put up a picture later.

Week Two: Nourish  2/10: Go Meatless - Skip meat today! Try vegetarian/vegan meals. I was excited for Meatless Monday, because I always talk about it, and I rarely follow through.   However... this particular Monday, I had pre-made an amazing smelling red coconut curry with lamb Sunday night for a quick Monday dinner.  This was my second lamb experiment, so I wanted to see if I liked it better in curry than I did as chops.  I can leave a lamb chop.   But. I powered through.  I picked out the meat, ate the rest of the sauce and decided to have the full meal for leftovers during the week in my lunch.  The rest of the curry sauce was amazing though, and we mixed rice and couscous and sprinkled fresh cilantro on top.  Delish. The beginning of my Meatless Monday was equally delicious.   Breakfast - Homemade greek yogurt topped with honey and granola for breakfast.  I was in a bit of a rush, so I had to eat it out of the containe...

Two weeks ago I signed up for the CoreCommit Challenge with Erica from Sweet Life .  I am having a blast! Never, in my entire existence, have I been this consistent with core workouts.  And the crazy thing is, I am noticing great results!   Last Sunday, I went for a "slow" five-mile run.  I've been awful with my mileage lately, I am not even close to successfully completing with Winter 100 Challenge... which I also signed up for!  Anyway, my calves were a bit tight, and I walked a little bit, but for the most part I felt great.  In fact, I got back to the house and felt like I could have ran another mile or two... I was so excited.  Then.... wait for it....  I checked my time... 50:something!  My "slow run" was 10 minute miles!  I about did a jig in the cul-de-sac.  My fastest 5k ever was 10 minute miles.  I can't chalk it up to mileage, so I am definitely chalking it up to these core workouts.  That and self defense c...