Fear, Faith and a Fistful of Chocolate

When I saw this title come across in my Litfuse emails, I didn't even hesitate in applying to review.

Chocolate is my weakness.  But that wasn't all.  I've personally dealt with issues of fear and finding ways to renew and strengthen my faith in order to overcome it.  Fistfuls of chocolate are a different story...

What a great book!  If I had the time, I would have read it all in one sitting.  Of course, I don't recommend blazing through this book without taking the time to really stop and ponder the questions at the end of each chapter because they are well written and thought provoking.  Although this is a great read-alone kind of book, I think it would also be a perfect book for a women's group or Bible study to work through together.  

Debora begins by identifying the main categories of fear.  She then sets the book up to spend a whole chapter on a specific type of fear and the ways we can grow our faith and seek God for help to overcome it.  She has such great stories and a sense of humor that even the most difficult and scary kinds of fear are covered without causing too much anxiety.  

Not only did the stories Debora shared speak to me on multiple levels, this book came at another time in my life when I was struggling with a new fear and a hard decision.  The encouragement and reassurance that I found as I read chapter after chapter gave me the confidence and peace I needed to step out in faith and trust that God has had my back all along.  It's usually a lot easier to hide from our fears than it is to face them.  But, as Christians, we have to remember that we have nothing to fear!  The battle has been won, and God is on our side.  

I would recommend this book for women at any age or stage of life.  Debora has been blessed with the gift of being able to connect with women through humor and honesty on the deepest and most difficult issues.  

Click over to her website and see for yourself!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the Litfuse book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

Friendship

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A few weeks ago a coworker forwarded this video and article to me.  I read the article and tonight I watched the video.  The video isn't exactly as "deep" as I thought it would be when discussing friendships and their influence, but it is a really interesting article.

The last few days "friendship" has been on my mind.  My pattern of friendship is to have one or two super close friends at certain points in my life.  Once we are friends, we are always friends.  No matter how long we've known each other, whether we talk once a day or once a year, it's like we haven't been apart at all.  Some of my dearest friends aren't that type.  They are wildly social, making friends with everyone.  Charismatic and comfortable, they can bond with anyone and maintain a multitude of casual friends.  It doesn't make them nervous to introduce themselves or strike up conversation.

It makes me nervous just thinking about it.  I have stress over meeting up with one or two people, let alone inviting a crowd to dinner or planning mini-reunions on a regular basis.  My circle of friends really is small, and I hardly open up to anyone about the major things in my life.

This morning, I opened my Bible up to Samuel 1 where Johnathon and David are working out how to keep David away from Saul long enough to figure out whether he's going to kill David or not.  Johnathon, Saul's son, risks everything for his bosom buddy, David.  Their friendship is one of the most powerful friendships portrayed in the Bible.  From the moment they met, they knew that they were soul mates, so to speak.  Closer than brothers.  How many of us have a friend like that?

Sometimes I will meet someone that I really, secretly, want to be friends with.  I wouldn't spy on them sleeping or put a tracer app on their phone, but I just feel like we could be really awesome friends.  That is, if I could work up the courage to ask them to be my friend.  Except there aren't any grown ups I know that do that.  Instead you have to be cool and go for coffee or set up a play date, hoping that you'll meet up more often and eventually hit "friend" status.  More stressful than dating, I think.

Recently, I have been brave enough to meet a new friend that I absolutely adore.  I can't tell her that yet, because she might freak out.  But I am happy because I put myself out there, and she didn't laugh at me or politely decline my invitation to go for a run together.

This is not normal for me.  I usually don't go out making new friends.  I'm happy with the ones I have, and it's easy to use motherhood as a reason for not socializing more often.  But, lately... friendship has been on my mind because God is telling me that I need to start befriending others.  Women who are new to the area who don't have close friends to have coffee with.  Women who are searching for someone to invite them to church and sit with them when they don't know anyone else.  Women whose kids need friends for a play date.  Instead of friendships being about me and my comfort level, I'm supposed to step out of my comfort zone, swallow my fear of rejection and introduce myself, share a phone number, set up a play date.

It would have been easier to ignore this, if I hadn't had one, but two, opportunities to do this very thing today.  Sometimes God doesn't wait for me to get comfortable with His plans for me.  He likes to chuck me straight in the deep end every once in a while.



How do you approach friendships?

Can anyone relate to me?  If you don't struggle in this area, what advice do you have for me?

Is there anything you feel God is asking from you?

Fear, Faith and a Fistful of Chocolate Kindle Fire Giveaway and 3/7 Facebook party!

Celebrate the release of Fear, Faith and a Fistful of Chocolate with Debora Coty by entering her Kindle Fire Giveaway and RSVPing to the March 7th Author Chat Party on Facebook!

One "sweet" winner will receive:

• A Kindle Fire


• A Debora Coty Library (Fear, Faith and a Fistful of Chocolate, More Beauty, Less Beast, Too Blessed To Be Stressed, and Everyday Hope)


• Chocolate (Every good thing begins with chocolate!)

Enter today by clicking one of the icons below. But hurry, the giveaway ends 3/6/13. Winner will be announced at Debora's "Fear, Faith and a Fistful of Chocolate" Facebook Party on 3/7. Debora will be hosting an evening of chat, fun trivia, laughter, and encouragement - bring your friends! She'll also be giving away some GREAT prizes: gift certificates, books, and a book club prize pack! (Ten copies of the book for your small group or book club and a live chat with Debora via Skype.)



So grab your copy of Fear, Faith and a Fistful of Chocolate and join Debora and friends on the evening of March 7th for an evening of fun. (If you haven't read the book, don't let that stop you from coming!)

Don't miss a moment of the fun, RSVP today. Tell your friends via FACEBOOK or TWITTER and increase your chances of winning. Hope to see you on the 7th!

Gearing Up for Running "Season"

Okay, I know it's technically "running season" all year round, but for me and my husband, it starts the end of January or middle of February when we begin officially signing up for the races we are going to run each month.  Through the holidays, I kind of slack and don't really have a big run coming up.  But March through October, we've got a schedule.

Here's what we have planned so far:

March 3 - Hot Chocolate 5k in Seattle!  This is my first Hot Chocolate run, and I am excited!  Mostly because we get chocolate at the end, but also because the sweatshirt is awesome.

March 16 - St Paddy's Day 5k in Tacoma.  We ran this last year.  I had trained (half-heartedly) for a 5k and accidentally signed up for the 10k... so I ran it anyway.  Not smart.  I died.  And I wore an actual sweat shirt, which was also a bad idea.  It just soaked up the freezing rain and made me heavier and more miserable.  Hated that run.  Loved the shirt.  I still wear it all the time.  This year, it's a family affair.  The boys get to run, Leilee gets to ride.  I'm hanging back with my preggo sis-in-law, and we are going to go hide somewhere warm when we are done since Jason is running the half.

March 20-31 - Jelly Bean Run.  I love Run with Jess' virtual races.  Last year, I ran the Cupcake Run with a friend, and we had a really good time.  So, I'm doing a 5k and eating some Jelly Belly's at the end.

April 20 - Trout Lake Half Marathon.  We ran this race last year.  It's one of my favorite.  Last year, this was the race that taught me there's no shame in being last place.  My sister-in-law hurt her knee at about mile 8, so we walked the rest of the way.  We didn't want a DNF, and we were pretty much alone with the cows, so we hoofed it.  Hahahaha.  This is a remote, hometown run that helps the kids raise money for really cool service learning field trips.  And they'll wait for you, even if you are WAY last.

May 19 - Rhody Run 12k in Port Townsend.  Okay, I'm going to say it.  I love to hate this race.  It's an awesome, hilly, scenic run.  I ran it last year.  I loved it because I ran with a girlfriend, and we had a blast.  I hated it because Port Townsend is odd.  And they know it.  They can put on a pretty cool race, with a pretty cool shirt, but I was not impressed with the overall 'tude of most of the runners.  Yes, I said 'tude.  As in attitude.  There were a lot of rude people.  Runners who jostled and pushed at the start line and for the first two miles or so.  Onlookers who thought it was funny to throw water balloons at runners on a cold, wet day.  It was weird.  But, I'm giving this race another chance.  Because it's my "girlfriend" run.  And because I'm hoping there will be better manners this year.

June 2 - North Olympic Discovery Marathon.  Ack! I am freaking out!  This will be my first full marathon.  And of course, Jason just has to run it too.  Can't have that over his head you know.  However, I am perfectly happy to let him hold every Tough Mudder he ever does over mine... oh well. It'll be nice to have his support, at the finish line, after he leaves me to eat his dust.  Yeah, I am excited, but I already have gastric distress when I think about it.

July 4 - Forks Old Fashioned Fourth of July 10k.  Yep.  I got an awesome tie-dye T last year.  This is a fun, hometown run too.  It raises money for Relay for Life.

July 18 - Quileute Family 5k Fun Run.  This is another hometown run that all the kids do with us.  It's usually raining.  Last year, it poured!  This run raises money for the Diabetic Support Group in La Push.

August 3 - Tacoma Narrows Half Marathon.  This could be my all time favorite race.  I've run it for the last two years.  Jason has run it three times.  I love it because it's in my college town.  Because I get to run over the Narrows Bridge.  Because I always forget how hilly it is until I'm actually running it again.  And because it was my first half marathon experience.  I know those are fragments.

September - You Go Girl?  I'm not sure about September.  I ran You Go Girl in Tacoma and loved it.  It was my half PR.  But I'm not sure yet.

October - Jason has the Tough Mudder this month, I think.  I want to try the North County Wine Run, but we also might get a chance to run with Jason's brother and his wife.  She wants to run the Girlfriend's Half in Vancouver.  So, we'll see.

October 14-21 - Hoping Jess has her Cupcake Classic again.  I'll be there!

November -  I am going to find a Turkey Trot.  Or make my own.

Christmas - I missed the Reindeer Run in Port Angeles last year, so maybe we'll check it out.  Or I'll stay home and eat Christmas cookies.

What runs do you have planned this year?

What kind of Christmas cookies do you bake?

Lamentations Sweats

I have this pair of Gap sweats that I have had for years... over ten years to be exact.  They are slowly, yet surely, falling apart.  The waistband is tearing, so the elastic and drawstring are falling out.  The hems are non-existent.  Yet, I keep them.  I keep pulling them out and wearing them.  I lounge in them, clean in them, blog in them.  I'm wearing them right now.

When I wear them, I remember the day I found them on super clearance at the Gap in Texas.  I remember wearing them through all my pregnancies and post-partum months (okay, fine, years!).  They are a pair of pants that never let me down. They always fit.  I don't want to donate them or get rid of them because they hold all these memories.  Forget that they have a tendency to fall down and it's a little ridiculous how threadbare they are.  I just can't let go.

Do you have things that you can't let go of?  Things that are silly to keep, but that you don't think you'll ever get rid of?

I have lots of junk like that.  I keep ridiculous objects because of the memories they hold. Yes, I know it's silly, but I fight the urge to keep unnecessary stuff on a regular basis.  Over the years, I have gotten better.  Still, there are (obviously) things I am holding onto.  My pants are proof enough.

So forget the material things.  What about the other junk we hold onto?  What about the hurt feelings?  What about the wrongdoings?  What about the pieces of our past that we just can't seem to let go?

Are there events in your past that you replay all the time?  Things you live over and over and keep alive even though they make you fall apart?

Are there people who have hurt you, intentionally or unintentionally?  And no matter how hard you try, you just can't let it go?  Does living in that hurt wear you out and drag you down?

I've never felt God tell me to just get rid of these pants.  (Although, plenty of friends and family have!)
But I have felt God urge me to let go of my past.  I have to let go.  To give forgiveness.  It isn't always easy.

And for me, the hardest person to forgive is myself.  It seems like I can let wrongdoings of others go all day long.  In fact, I'm way easier on other people than I will ever be on myself.  Over and over, I relive things I've done wrong.  Ways I've hurt myself, ways I've messed up, the way I used to be.

I hold onto memories, even the bad ones, like I hold onto my old sweats.  Some times I just lounge around in them and have a pity party.  Meanwhile, God is gently whispering, "Let them go!"  Okay, not so gently!

He's forgotten.  He threw my past out with the trash and didn't give it a second thought.  Why I continue to pull it back out, I'll never know.  But that's not what God wants for me... for any of us. He wants us to live in the new life He has given us!  What a concept!  To wear robes of righteousness instead of old ragged sweats full of sin and sorrow.

Are we worthy?

The Bible tells us over and over that we are!

Take Romans for example (italics mine):

 For we know our old self was crucified with Him

so that the body of sin might be done away with,

that we should no longer be slaves to sin-

because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.

Now if we died with Christ,

we believe that we will also live with Him.

Romans 6:6-8

What benefit did you reap at that time from the things that you are now ashamed of?

Those things result in death!  

But now you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God,

the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.

Romans 6:21-22

But now, by dying to what once bound us,

we have been released from the law

so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit,

and not in the old way of the written code.

Romans 7:6

If you have accepted Jesus.  If you believe He died for your sins.  If you have confessed and asked God for forgiveness.  YOU. ARE. CLEAN.  Your sins are GONE!!!!

Those old memories are nothing.  Let them go.  

Breathe deep and accept your new life.  Your clean slate.  Your forgiveness!  

There is nothing so bad that it can't be washed away.  Nothing.  

Live in it. 

I remember my affliction and my wandering,

the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them,

and my soul is downcast within me.

Yet this I call to mind

and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord's great love

we are not consumed,

for His compassions never fail.  

They are new every morning; 

great is Your faithfulness!

Lamentations 3:19-23

The words of a David Crowder song ring so true in my heart.  And on my Lamentations, old sweats kind of days, my heart jumps and I am brought to tears.

"And we are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes. If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest.  
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way... Oh, how He loves us, oh how He loves us..."

Real Bread. The Second Half.

For the first half of this story, check out this post.  I am following my version of a multigrain bread recipe from Mother Earth News.

Whew.  This was way harder than throwing stuff in the bread machine.  So we ended last time with the soakers soaking and the sponges hanging out in the fridge.

I took step by step pictures so that I could write less provide a better visual guideline.  Well, almost step by step.  I couldn't some of the time because my hands were all gooey or had oven mitts or flour on them.  You understand...

So, first I took out the sponges and let them get to room temperature.  I matched up my gooier (is that a word?) first sponge with the thicker looking buttermilk soaker.  It took longer than an hour, and I got sidetracked doing other things.  By the time I got around to making bread... they were good and ready.

Then, I got everything else I needed out.  Mainly yeast, butter, flour, honey, and some warm water.  I also grabbed the olive oil for coating the bowl that it would rise in, the magazine, and a three-year-old.

And I grabbed my Mirro dough hook bowl that we scored from Goodwill for a mere $3.00.  

Whoop-dah!  

The directions said to cut the sponge into about 12 pieces and roll each piece in the sponge.  So, here's the start of the cutting.  

And the end.  It didn't work that great, and I ended up pulling off chunks anyway.  Lesson learned.  

So, there are 12 chunks rolled in soaker.  It actually worked better than I imagined.  It's more of a squishing and patting it on than a rolling or coating... but I didn't stress out about it. 

Then you sprinkle on the yeast, butter and honey (and salt if you want to... I forgot to mention that above) and start mixing.  For people with fancy mixers, you can use the paddle attachment to stick it all together and then switch to the dough hook.  I used elbow grease and a spoon.  

Then I put my two speeds of mixer to work...

Two minutes on three year old speed and another two minutes on seven year old speed.  

I did a final mix and let it rest for ten minutes.  

Now remember, I did this twice.  The second time, I got all confused and tried to put my mixer attachment on upside down.  But I added a few sprinkles of flour too, and that seemed to help a little... after I put the dough hook handle together the right way, of course.

After it has rested, you pull the dough out (and it stuck to the bowl pretty good), flop it on a floured surface and knead it with flour (and water if it is too thick) until you have a great consistency of sticky, stretchy dough.  

Once it looks good, roll it in a ball, coat with oil from the sides of the bowl and let rise under a towel for 45 minutes.  I always thought it was supposed to double when rising, but it is only supposed to get 1 1/2 the size.  

Then, take it out, knead a bit and shape into a loaf.

There's the first batch, rising (for another 45 minutes) in the bread pan.

This is the second batch.... this one had the chia seeds. Yum!

While the loaf is rising, you preheat the oven to 450 degrees.  HOT!  With a baking stone on the bottom rack and a cast iron skillet on the top rack.  This creates more even heating, etc.  Mother Earth explains it better.  All I knew was it was HOT, and I was scared about the next step.  We also had to turn on the vent and open the windows because both the stone and the pot started smoking in there and it stunk the house up.  I don't think that can be avoided... not at that high of heat.

Then, this is (in my opinion) the most dangerous part.  You set the... oh wait, I forgot.  

Get a little over a half cup of water.  You have to brush or spray the top of the loaf with water.  

Gently.  This is me pretending to brush water on the loaf so I can have a picture of that step. 

Okay, back to the most dangerous step.  Sorry.

You set the loaf of bread on top of the baking stone.  THEN... dunnnn dunnnnn dun duhhhhhhh...

You have to pour the rest of that water from the cup above into the cast iron skillet!  Yikes!  It hisses and jumps around everywhere!  I'm glad the article warned me about that.  I wore an oven mitt and hissed my kids out of the kitchen during that step.  But, I survived.  And so did the cast iron.  Whew!

After your adrenaline stops pumping, lower the oven temp to 375 and set the timer for 20 minutes.

This is a picture of a perfectly rising loaf.  I was just getting ready to go for a quick run (see I can bake bread and run in the same day!)

After the first 20 minutes, rotate the loaf and bake for another 20 minutes.  The inside temp of the bread has to get to 195 degrees or higher.  The loaf will also sound hollow on the bottom when you tap it... but I used a thermometer because I couldn't actually tap the loaf until I had dumped it out to cool on the rack anyway.  I trusted my husband to turn the first loaf while I was outside running.  

I think he did an okay job.

There is loaf #1, cooling away.

And two.  I forgot another important part.  After you brush the water and before you put the loaf in the oven, you cut the top.  This allows the air to escape and keeps your loaf looking pretty.  I tried two different slash patterns.  I think I like the second one better.  It looks more "official".

Here they are again.  With my reindeer Christmas cookie jar that I just realized I forgot to pack away.  He will probably stay out all year now.  

Ooh la la.  It cut up so pretty!  My house also smelled amazing.  I don't think they should make a fresh baked bread Scentsy, because that would be weird... but you can't beat that smell!

And now, for the final part.  Taste testing.  Mother Earth didn't recommend this, but I recommend you have at least two taste testers.  I found a seven year old and a nine year old.  They requested strawberry freezer jam as a topping. 

 They also requested a second slice each.  They didn't look enthused enough the first time around, so I tried to get them to smile bigger... ummmm, not sure what they did instead!  

The bread passed the test, even my wishes-he-could-eat-soft-white-bread-everyday kid approved.  So, now I am just trying to figure out how to find time to make fancy, shmancy, scientific bread all the time.  It probably won't happen as often as I hope it will, but it sure was worth doing the experiment!!

Bread. Real Bread. Well, at Least the Start...

So, for the last four or five months, I've been thinking I was all fancy and awesome because I've been making homemade bread for everything.  The kids beg for store bought bread, but I ignore them and smugly think that they'll thank me someday for being made to suffer through healthy foods as children.  I remember feeling the same way as a kid, but I'm also thankful as an adult that I would never dream of buying or eating Wonder bread.  My plan is to also torture my children into being health-conscious adults through homemade bread, granola, whatever.

Separate, but related story.  My husband is a Mother Earth News lover.  He has gotten a subscription for the last two years as a Christmas present because it makes him that happy.  He's always reading those things and getting apocalyptic homesteading ideas.  That's how he tortures me.  But, it must be wearing off.  Because the other day, I opened up to the bread article in this month's issue.  And I felt so pitiful.  This bread makes my bread machine dough look like Wonder bread...  It's so complicated and scientific!  I never knew.

As I'm reading, I'm envisioning people actually cutting up a sponge and putting it in with the dough.  Why?  I couldn't figure it out.  So, then, I had to read the whole entire article to figure out why they would do such a crazy thing.  Well, I was totally wrong.  And, once I know something so fantastic, and I have a day off of work, and I have all the ingredients... I might as well see if I can pull it off.  I didn't want to fold laundry or clean out our den from hell office anyway.

So, it began.  And, just so you know.  I never follow recipes, and most things I make never taste exactly the same twice.

Here's all my stuff on the counter.  I'm such a messy cook.

For the "sponge", I used unbleached flour, yeast and whey (instead of water).  We had a gallon left over from our second mozzarella making attempt (which turned out MUCH better than the first), and I was planning to use it in bread anyway.  The first sponge was too gooey, and I was a sticky mess.  Leilee plopped herself next to me and volunteered to be the taste tester.


The second sponge turned out a little better.  I stirred it more before I got my hands in there to knead it together, so the flour had absorbed more of the goo.

Here they are, resting in the fridge.  I knew I wouldn't have time to actually bake the bread that night, so I followed the instructions and placed them in the refrigerator.














I made two different
"soakers". One with buttermilk and one with yogurt.
 Because I am so inconsistent and experimental of a cook, and because bread making is an exact science, I freaked out and made these very official and scientific sticky notes to keep track of what I was doing.  I was hoping the Spidey sense would heighten my baking ability...






I even cooked up the quinoa according to the instructions in the multigrain section of the article.  Since I didn't actually have wheat flour, I used my unbleached regular flour.  This is also the first time *gasp* that I am trying unbleached flour in bread instead of regular bleached.  I am SO bad!!  But I didn't know!  I swear, I didn't know.

Today, I have a sick kid at home, which means I get to bake this bread.  An apparently there is a whole separate and complex process involved in baking it.  Not even kidding.  I'm kind of freaking out.  So off I go, to finish my bread.

Consider this part one...