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Showing posts from August, 2013

Hurting Hearts

Tonight, I am sitting on the bed in my hotel room, staring in the face of a buffalo.  He's on a flat and somewhat shiny canvas.  When I look in those dark, sad buffalo eyes, a familiar ache returns.  An ache I thought would just fade away as the days went by.  But since it hasn't, I'd better get it down. Earlier this week, as we traveled through the north end of Denver in a taxi van, we drove by the homeless mission.  Just before dinner.  Almost dusk.  And the square was full.  This was a sight I think I thought I had seen before, and I was prepared to breath calmly and let us pass by... without giving it a second thought.  Until my coworker gasped.  She'd never seen this before.  Never imagined those who live this way.  My other coworker snorted.... something about this being just like Tampa. I wasn't going to give it a second thought.  We help the homeless and poor on a daily basis. That's my job.  And it jades me sometimes.  My inner cynic wants to pipe i

Lonely

Here it is.  I've read many Five Minute Friday posts, and always felt like I didn't have the time (5 minutes, I know...).  But today, I'm feeling game.  Like I've already stayed up this late... a few more minutes isn't going to hurt. So, my very first Five Minute Friday entry: Start: 11:26 p.m. I'm tired.  My eyes hurt from crying.  I'm in my sweats on the couch, listening to the humming sound the refrigerator makes.  It's louder when it's silent.  The fish tank tries to be louder, bubbling and clamoring for the attention of my ears.  If I would get up off of this couch and add water, it wouldn't have a chance. Lonely.  Even when I'm surrounded by things I should be busy doing.  Tackling the mountain of laundry. Cleaning up the clutter.  Maybe if I moved around a bit, I wouldn't have time to reflect on the loneliness my heart has felt over the past few days.  There's no real  reason for it.  If we could list the real reasons o

That Feeling

There's that feeling again.  The one where fear dances around the edge of my collarbone.  Where I find myself taking deep breaths and listening to my heart race erratically.  Where tears threaten to slip out and my eyes burn as I hold them in. I should not be stressed.  I'm a runner.  But I'm not getting in all my runs. I shouldn't feel so gross.  I eat healthy foods!  But lately, I'm sneaking sugary snacks for comfort. I shouldn't be afraid.  I'm a Christian.  Lately I've fallen too far away from God's presence. That's what happens when I start counting on myself.  Trying to solve problems my way.  Falling into the trap of playing out scenarios in my mind.  Before I know it, my heart is racing again and the tension has spread out through my shoulders.  Carrying this heavy load is hard, and it is wearing me down. Instead of sticking with a routine I had started of getting up early to read my Bible, I started staying up late, worrying ab