By Nicole

Tonight, I am sitting on the bed in my hotel room, staring in the face of a buffalo.  He's on a flat and somewhat shiny canvas.  When I look in those dark, sad buffalo eyes, a familiar ache returns.  An ache I thought would just fade away as the days went by.  But since it hasn't, I'd better get it down. Earlier this week, as we traveled through the north end of Denver in a taxi van, we drove by the homeless mission.  Just before dinner.  Almost dusk.  And the square was full.  This was a sight I think I thought I had seen before, and I was prepared to breath calmly and let us pass by... without giving it a second thought.  Until my coworker gasped.  She'd never seen this before.  Never imagined those who live this way.  My other coworker snorted.... something about this being just like Tampa. I wasn't going to give it a second thought.  We help the homeless and poor on a daily basis. That's my job.  And it jades ...

Here it is.  I've read many Five Minute Friday posts, and always felt like I didn't have the time (5 minutes, I know...).  But today, I'm feeling game.  Like I've already stayed up this late... a few more minutes isn't going to hurt. So, my very first Five Minute Friday entry: Start: 11:26 p.m. I'm tired.  My eyes hurt from crying.  I'm in my sweats on the couch, listening to the humming sound the refrigerator makes.  It's louder when it's silent.  The fish tank tries to be louder, bubbling and clamoring for the attention of my ears.  If I would get up off of this couch and add water, it wouldn't have a chance. Lonely.  Even when I'm surrounded by things I should be busy doing.  Tackling the mountain of laundry. Cleaning up the clutter.  Maybe if I moved around a bit, I wouldn't have time to reflect on the loneliness my heart has felt over the past few days.  There's no real  reason for it.  If we could list t...

There's that feeling again.  The one where fear dances around the edge of my collarbone.  Where I find myself taking deep breaths and listening to my heart race erratically.  Where tears threaten to slip out and my eyes burn as I hold them in. I should not be stressed.  I'm a runner.  But I'm not getting in all my runs. I shouldn't feel so gross.  I eat healthy foods!  But lately, I'm sneaking sugary snacks for comfort. I shouldn't be afraid.  I'm a Christian.  Lately I've fallen too far away from God's presence. That's what happens when I start counting on myself.  Trying to solve problems my way.  Falling into the trap of playing out scenarios in my mind.  Before I know it, my heart is racing again and the tension has spread out through my shoulders.  Carrying this heavy load is hard, and it is wearing me down. Instead of sticking with a routine I had started of getting up early to read my Bible, I started stay...

Before I allow myself to get overly rational or lose the element of newness and awe, I have to document, in black and white, one of the most colorful things that has possibly ever happened to me in my life. Just this past weekend, I went with a group of women from my church to our yearly retreat. (I say that like I am a veteran or a pro, even though this was only my second year.) Like a lot of the women who went (I think) I went to the retreat full of bottled up emotion and stress, hoping that in one fell swoop God would rain down love and relief and wash away all my worries, and that I would emerge from the Silverdale Beach Hotel a newly cleansed, refreshed woman of God, all because I paid my $60.00, endured the back seat of a 15 passenger van and made the effort to attend in the first place. The speaker had wonderful energy. Us women had wonderful fellowship. We laughed, we cried, we stayed up late sharing stories and ate Domino's pizza much too late at night. But at the end ...