By Nicole

There's that feeling again.  The one where fear dances around the edge of my collarbone.  Where I find myself taking deep breaths and listening to my heart race erratically.  Where tears threaten to slip out and my eyes burn as I hold them in. I should not be stressed.  I'm a runner.  But I'm not getting in all my runs. I shouldn't feel so gross.  I eat healthy foods!  But lately, I'm sneaking sugary snacks for comfort. I shouldn't be afraid.  I'm a Christian.  Lately I've fallen too far away from God's presence. That's what happens when I start counting on myself.  Trying to solve problems my way.  Falling into the trap of playing out scenarios in my mind.  Before I know it, my heart is racing again and the tension has spread out through my shoulders.  Carrying this heavy load is hard, and it is wearing me down. Instead of sticking with a routine I had started of getting up early to read my Bible, I started stay...

Have you ever been around someone who talked too much?  Too fast?  Too detailed? Too private?  Too ___________ (fill in your own experience)? I have.  And I don't really like it.  Sometimes it's funny for a bit or interesting at first.  But usually, at some point during their one-sided conversation, I start thinking about how it's humanly possible for one person to talk so much or so fast, or about how I wish they would just stop because this is something that I so do not need to know.  Where is their stop button, or a slow-down option, or their filter, for heaven's sake?!  Why don't they have one?! It's funny because I have spent most of my life wishing that I was more outgoing.  Too shy to speak up in class or to say hi to someone who could have been my friend.  And I am now amazing myself by how I've grown and been able to function better in a group or speak up when I felt I needed too.  I am shocked that I am abl...

A few months ago, I posted a review of Stuck by Jennie Allen . Part of the amazing revelation and great conversation that I had this weekend was about how sticky it can be trying to get unstuck.  On the outside, I do a pretty good job of making people think I have it all together (unless they know about and are reading some of my blog posts).  Even my husband doesn't know all of the battles that rage on inside of me.  For the most part, I shove my frustrations and fears and worries and shortcomings down deep inside.  I don't have a whole bunch of bosom friends, so I rarely confide in anyone.  That has also caused me anxiety in the past. And heaven forbid that I actually voice my unhappiness with myself to myself, let alone to someone else.  They might tell!  Word travels fast in a small town.  Even the well-meaning are well-known gossips.  Is there anyone I can trust?  I'm a Christian, no one can know I'm not perfect!...

The title was a test.  Did you pass? I am holding true to my mention of writing about Esther.  Well, I am more going to explain how I have come to love Esther so much, and how I am hoping that I can get a small group of 5th grade boys to love her too.  When we moved back home, Connor was three months old.  We were going to church at the church I grew up in, and I didn't consider myself a very recovered Christian at that time.  I was going through the motions, but I wasn't really seeking a relationship with God.  I hardly read my Bible, and I didn't feel very "good".  But my mom didn't know that, and she didn't really care I don't think, because that next summer, the summer that Connor turned one, she volunteered me to be the new Stars leader.  One of the women was stepping down, and the head of Missionettes was freaking out.  Well, I couldn't very well back out of it since it was my mom who said I would, so I said yes.  I had...

Uh oh... I am dropping off the face of the blogsphere.  I read a post of mine a few weeks ago about how I hoped that at some point in time there would be a time where there wasn't a lag between posts.  This lag isn't near as bad as the hiatuses I have inadvertently taken before... but that's how it starts.  Anyway, disclaimer done.  This last week we had an emotional and amazing night of Bible study.  I held it in again... only crying a little.  If you know me, you know I am like that.  But, the topic really got me to thinking.  We are doing the Beth Moore David: Seeking a Heart Like His  study, and I am loving it.  (Sadly, I have missed two of the four nights because of travel for work, although I caught up on the videos this weekend.  On a completely shallow note, I love to see what she wears.  I couldn't stop checking out Beth's boots in section 4... still trying to figure who made them...). Okay, back on track again....

First of all, I have to share this link because I love it so much... Courtney Snailum   A few years back, almost three I guess, I did a Proverbs 31 study.  That is a woman that no one will ever be.  Supermom on crack.  Courtney does such a good job of lightheartedly rephrasing that scripture to fit the "average" mom.  But the real reason I am writing this morning is because I went to bed too late last night and got up too early for my liking but too late if I am going to finish everything on my to do list.  My children arose before me and fended for their own breakfast (which made me think of Proverbs 32!). I like to make lists.  I like to check off the things I have done.  Unfortunately, by the time I go back to my list again, the thing I have done and want to check off needs done again! Today I am cleaning and packing and jamming and pickling and meal planning for my family for the week.  I am also (obviously) blogging and Facebooking an...

One of my favorite nights of the week is Thursday.  Not because it is relaxing or there isn't anything going on.  In fact, it might be the most hectic and latest night of my week.  Thursday night is the night that Jason and I go to bible study.  He goes to men's group, and I go to women's group.  We smooch in the gym and head into our separate classes.  I look forward to the class because of the opportunity to fellowship and pray with women who love God and want to be closer to Him.  I have grown so much because of that time, even though I must admit that most weeks I have to say, 'Um, no...' when Lucy asks if we finished our chapter.  Even when we did the Beth Moore study on Esther ( phenomenal!) I didn't always keep up.  Some nights we pray and cry out to God longer than we spend in the book and other nights we dig straight into discussion of the chapter and the topic.  God has put some amazing women in my life, with such wonderful sto...