This is a really old post I found from October 3, 2006. Grady was a year and a half old. Leilee is now almost three, and I DO NOT HAVE THIS FEELING ANYMORE... but, it's funny to remember when I did.
"Well, it all began about three months ago... at first I felt fine, I thought I could ignore it, then I would see a baby and this curious type of longing would start in my stomach and vibrate up to my heart and make me feel all squishy inside. How do you describe the baby bug? I am almost tempted to call the bug a virus... the kind that stay in your body and remain dormant until something aggravates them... like chickenpox or herpes (which are actually related, although that tidbit isn't at all related to this) although nothing that dreadful or miserable. I'm almost sure reactivation coincides exactly with the age of your youngest. My baby virus starts acting up right around the time my youngest turns 1. At first I feel just sad that they are growing up so fast. Once they turn a year it's like they are officially becoming a toddler. Grady was really tough to deal with because he started walking and "talking" so much faster (in an effort to keep up with "Bubba"...) something he is really excited about and something I am not quite ready for. So new job (with lots yet to accomplish), small house, property not ready to build on, one too many payments a month... can't have baby yet. SO I am suppressing the virus... the bug that constantly is on edge, waiting at any moment to squish up my insides. I see a new baby - instantly squishy. I hold a new baby - my insides melt and ache at the same time. I am SICK!! Why do I want to do this to myself? The baby virus, as some of you may know, also causes an individual to FORGET what newborns and having more than one child is REALLY like. I cannot for the life of me remember childbirth, peeing all the time, itchy belly, heartburn. I don't know what it is like to sleep through the night anymore anyway. I'm still changing diapers. I already wash more loads of laundry per week than I can count, and for crying out loud - my "baby" is too independent! I need a little bundle of soft, sweet joy to melt in my arms and take away this achy, squishy feeling that keeps popping up at the slightest thing. Even now, as I write this... I am squishy and aching thinking about holding a new, snuggly little bundle. I wish there were a pill I could take... "