When I was a teenager, I was very hardheaded and rebellious. Kind of an insidious rebellious, I was a sneakily defiant, naive, lying, Jiminy Cricket-squashing brat. I always secretly felt guilty... but like a hardening heart, the voice of my conscience grew steadily quieter and quieter. When I was a bit older, I could silence the occasional roar with a good solid flow of alcohol.
Okay, well I am getting ahead of myself... well... completely off track.
Back to sneakiness. It started with the gateway activities of chewing tobacco, music and cusswords. Then I started smoking and listening to music with cusswords in it. Gasp.
Back then, BMG was really big. You could order 10 free CDs if you signed up for the monthly offer for a year or something like that. So I signed my life away. For a teen working a part-time, minimum wage job, having to throw down 20 bucks for the newest hit CD was a big deal. Why do that when you could get 10 for FREE?!
One of my first bundle contained the wonderful albums of Bush, Greenday, Stone Temple Pilots, Live and SevenMaryThree, complete with cusswords, drug references and the overall rebellious vibe of alternative music. I was in heaven, until my mom took a trip into my room and read the lyrics. She had already made it clear that the kind of music I was listening to wasn't allowed in the house, so while I was gone one day, she threw them all away.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love my mom, and I am totally over this whole episode. Retrospectively, as an adult and parent now, I understand why she made the choices she did, and I wish I had done a whole load of things differently as a teenager. We didn't communicate well. She was scared (I think) for me and didn't know what else to do.
I, of course, continued to be sneaky and rebellious. I went out and bought the CDs that I really wanted the most again. And eventually my mom gave up, because I had an extensive record collection of completely inappropriate music by the time I had finished my third or fourth fling with BMG and was off to college. I still have most of those CDs which I rarely listen to but keep in a huge black CD case. Every once in a while, when I am alone in the car, I throw one in.
Now I am spoiled and have Pandora on my phone, which I listen to while I am running on the treadmill. Today I chose the 90's alternative station and relived the glory days and memories of highschool while I circled the virtual neon track. When Live played, I smiled. And I paid closer attention to the lyrics.