By Nicole

So, I spent a good deal of last night working out why I was so upset and what God is really wanting to do work out in me through Leilee's medical issues, my little sister, the hurting families and the lost loved ones. I didn't really figure anything out and just spent most of today feeling sleep deprived and a little foggy. On my way to work this morning I did hear a great sermon on 88.1. Pastor So-and-So was talking about how we should examine ourselves for something that we see is holding us back. He gave the idea of focusing on one thing we truly feel God would want us to work on - for example, wanting to please people. He said to write down the negative thought on a card and then make a stop sign. On the back, he said to write a verse from the Bible that would help encourage us in changing that specific behavior. For a couple months during my pregnancy with Leilee, I went through some severe anxiety... a couple times I came the closest to a panic attack I think I have eve

The thing I dread the most is losing one of my children. Just the thought terrifies me. And of course, being a paranoid, crazy mother, just about everything sends my thoughts in that direction. That being said, I then begin to feel guilty about being so terrified of death and dying when I serve a God who is in total control. We can't run from death, we can't avoid the inevitable, and we live in a fallen world where tragedy happens every day. I do my best to comfort myself with the thought that my faith and relationship with God could get me through the worst possible thing. Recently God has been working on me. On my pride, on my procrastination and on my presumption that He doesn't care or need to know about every little thing. Leilee was recently diagnosed with a branchial cleft cyst or fistula, which is, most simply put, a hole in her neck. We are waiting for our appointment at Children's... they can't get us in until December. Instead of falling on my kne